Monday, May 13, 2013

Christian Heavy Metal Singer [and Nut] Charged with A Crime That Would Make A Satanist's Jaw Drop: Hiring A Hit Man to Kill His Wife



Attorney for singer Tim Lambesis says his client was "set up". Was the set up before or after Lambesis gave the would-be hit man $1,000 in cash, photos of his wife, her address, codes to get through the security gates of her home, and a list of dates [of when to commit the crime] that would provide him an alibi? Hmmm.

by Larry Simons
May 13, 2013

In yet another incident to be included in the "Christians are fucking NUTS" file, Tim Lambesis, lead singer of the band As I Lay Dying, has been charged with an act that you might expect to be carried out by a Satanist, an atheist or anyone who watches Honey-boo-boo: Hiring a hit man to kill ones wife.

That's right. It does not get any nuttier than that, folks. But I have not lost hope in the Christian community. I have faith that it will get nuttier, and it will probably be sooner than later.

Apparently, it has been reported that Lambesis was arrested at a Barnes and Noble bookstore in San Diego on Tuesday after he tried to hire an undercover Sheriff's deputy to kill his estranged wife, Meggan Lambesis, whom he was married to for 8 years up until she filed for divorce in September.

Lambesis reportedly told an acquaintance at his gym that he wanted his wife killed. That acquaintance arranged for Lambesis to meet with an undercover Sheriff's deputy who went by the name "Red". As if this story couldn't get any nuttier, Lambesis' attorney, Anthony Salerno,  is now saying his client was set up.  How in the hell can you claim your client is set up if the douchebag hands the "hit man" $1,000 [for payment to commit the crime], a photo of his wife [so the hit man can kill the right person], the wife's address [so the hit man can arrive at the right house], codes to get through the security gates of her home and a list of dates that would be good times to commit the killing in order to give your client an alibi?

Salerno also said, "If I had to hang a tag on it, I'd call it a scumbag snitch set-up.." Yeah, Salerno, what a prick Lambesis' gym friend is for having the audacity to go to the police and "snitch" when someone tells him to find someone to take his wife out!

Salerno adds, "Law enforcement was fed something by someone who effectively orchestrated the whole thing ... He did not intend to harm anybody." I wonder if Salerno would feel the same way if his own wife plotted to kill him and it was "snitched" to cops and his death plot was foiled as a result? Do you think Salerno would be saying, "Yeah, well it's cool to still be alive and all, but we got to get that fucking snitch for intervening and stopping my assassination!"

"He did not intend to harm anybody"?? Hilarious. So, when Lambesis was actually telling the undercover cop to kill his wife by saying the words, "I want you to kill my wife and here's all the things you need to do it", Salerno wants us all to believe that Lambesis was actually saying, "Take my wife on a date"?

The judge set the bail at 3 million dollars and ordered Lambesis to surrender his passport, stay away from his wife and children and stay in San Diego county with the exception of meeting with his attorney.

As if it could not get any more unbelievable, Salerno also said this, "The band has a tour scheduled. There's many people who depend on him. If he can't go that would be to the detriment of many, many people."

Oh, fuck you Salerno. People depend on his ex-wife too, namely their children. How detrimental would it have been to his ex-wife's children, parents, siblings and friends if she was murdered and no longer around?

Lambesis has pleaded not guilty. Again, hilarious.

Maybe Lambesis is not solely to blame for this. After all, in many of the scriptures, killing is ordained by God for committing various offenses or holding certain titles. In fact, if the murder of Lambesis' wife would have actually been carried out, it would have been justified by God if the wife would have committed the following acts or held the following titles:

Ignoring a priest

"Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the Lord your God must be put to death.  Such evil must be purged from Israel."
 (Deuteronomy 17:12)

Being a witch
 
"You should not let a sorceress live."  
(Exodus 22:17)

Being a homosexual

"If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives."  
(Leviticus 20:13)

Being a fortune teller
 
"A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death."
(Leviticus 20:27)

Hitting her father

"Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death."
 (Exodus 21:15)

Cursing her parents

"If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming of darkness."
 (Proverbs 20:20)
 
"All who curse their father or mother must be put to death.  They are guilty of a capital offense."  
(Leviticus 20:9)

Committing adultery
 
"If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death."  
(Leviticus 20:10)

Committing fornication
 
"A priest's daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death."
(Leviticus 21:9)

Following other Religions

"Whoever sacrifices to any god, except the Lord alone, shall be doomed."  
(Exodus 22:19)

"If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him.  Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you.  You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery.  And all Israel, hearing of this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst."  
(Deuteronomy 13:7-12)

"Suppose a man or woman among you, in one of your towns that the Lord your God is giving you, has done evil in the sight of the Lord your God and has violated the covenant by serving other gods or by worshiping the sun, the moon, or any of the forces of heaven, which I have strictly forbidden.  When you hear about it, investigate the matter thoroughly. If it is true that this detestable thing has been done in Israel, then that man or woman must be taken to the gates of the town and stoned to death."
(Deuteronomy 17:2-5)

Being a nonbeliever
 
"They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman." 
(2 Chronicles 15:12-13)

Being a false prophet
 
"If a man still prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall say to him, "You shall not live, because you have spoken a lie in the name of the Lord."  When he prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall thrust him through."  
(Zechariah 13:3)

Being a citizen in a town where others worship other gods
 
"Suppose you hear in one of the towns the Lord your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods.  In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully.  If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock.  Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it.  Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the Lord your God.  That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt.  Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction.  Then the Lord will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you.  He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors.  "The Lord your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him."  
(Deuteronomy 13:13-19)

Not being a virgin on her wedding night

"But if this charge is true (that she wasn't a virgin on her wedding night), and evidence of the girls virginity is not found, they shall bring the girl to the entrance of her fathers house and there her townsman shall stone her to death, because she committed a crime against Israel by her unchasteness in her father's house.  Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst."  
(Deuteronomy  22:20-21)

So you see, an insanity plea might be more fitting, since you have to be insane to worship a god who is this bloodthirsty to commit and order so much death to begin with.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Satanists are taught to disguise themselves as Christians.
To deceive, to come in the name of good in public while doing evil in secret. If a satanist is caught molesting children, it reflects poorly on satanism and fails to deceive others. If an alleged "Christian" (who is secretly a satanist) priest is caught, its a hypocritical act that discourages other Christians and makes religion seem evil (and the way it's structured, it can be), and that the teachings of church are evil (sometimes true) people will associate and use that to nullify Christ's teachings.

Look at the guy, he is no Christian just because he claims he is. Pictures of death and skeletons and screaming death metal? By their deeds you shall know them.