Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Lifestyles of the Religious Nutball: Couple Sees “Jesus” on Wal-Mart Receipt

Two nuts from South Carolina insist that Jesus has appeared on their Wal-Mart receipt. They call it a “blessing”

by Larry Simons
July 20, 2011

Oh Jesus, here we go again. Another “Jesus” sighting by loonballs who not only believe in Jesus, but also believe that he would have nothing better to do with his time than to involve himself in mundane, nonsensical activities like appearing on slices of bread, potato chips and now the latest…Wal-Mart receipts.

Two nutjobs from South Carolina named Jacob Simmons and Gentry Lee Sutherland insist that it is none other than the Son of God who has magically appeared on their Wal-Mart receipt days after lying around their house.

The couple said they bought pictures at Wal-Mart on June 12 and a few days later, after coming home from a Wednesday night church service, they noticed that “Jesus” appeared on the receipt [see below] although the image was not there they day made their Wal-Mart purchase.

"I was leaving the kitchen and I just looked on the floor, and it was like it was looking at me…then the more you look at it, the more it looked like Jesus, and it was just shocking, breathtaking”, Simmons said.

Obvious questions come to mind. First, how does anyone know what Jesus even looked like? Second, why appear on a Wal-Mart receipt? Why not appear on a page of your bible? Was God telling you loons “Thank you for choosing Wal-Mart?” After all, if they never had shopped at Wal-Mart, they wouldn’t have obtained that receipt and therefore, would not have seen the image at all, right?

Thirdly, why did it take “Jesus” three days to appear on the receipt? Was he wrestling with the idea of appearing in the skid marks in their underwear and finally decided the receipt would be the best place to appear, for no apparent reason at all?

Fourthly, although the image appears to show two eyes, a nose and a beard, why is it ALWAYS automatically assumed it is Jesus? Why can’t it be.......

Supertramp lead singer, Roger Hodgson?

Kenny Loggins?

I will give you the answer as to why people always assume it is images of Jesus that appear on everyday household items. Because, just like religion itself, people who so desperately want to believe something is true will tell themselves it is true, despite all common sense, logic and human reason. No evidence is needed. Facts do not matter. Logic does not matter. Science does not matter. The fact that it is absurd that Jesus would ever involve himself in some ludicrous and trivial act [putting his image on household items] does not matter. The only thing that matters is the fact that people will believe what they want to believe.

We just feel like it's a blessing that God showed it to us and opened our eyes. And we just feel like we should share the blessing God gave to us to everybody else”, Sutherland said.

Really? Exactly how does this qualify as a “blessing”? You REALLY believe that God showed this to you? REALLY?

The only thing these two have “shared” with people is that they are two of the biggest lunatics in America.


rob said...

thanks for the info larry, i dont have to go to church anymore, i can now go to the local walmart.

Anonymous said...

the bible clearly states that you have to buy atleast 200 dollars of groceries to see jesus on your receipt.

Anonymous said...

larry, the picture is abe lincoln. close to jesus but different.

Anonymous said...

looks like osama bin laden. are they the same?