Sunday, May 22, 2011

Lifestyles of the Religious Nutball: Apocalypse Later

Many nutballs awaited the end of the world yesterday, only to find themselves having to explain today why they [and the Bible] should ever be taken seriously again

by Larry Simons
May 22, 2011 [yes, I survived!]

I should not even be giving this story the attention it so wrongfully deserved these past few weeks, but it is just so damned fun to ridicule the biggest nuts that ever lived: Religious people. Specifically, really wacko Christians like Harold Camping [pictured above], President of Family Radio, who, in addition to meaningless activities like reading the Bible, made a loonball end-of-the-world prediction that the world would end yesterday.

It appears that Camping did not just pull this date out of his 89-year-old ass, but actually did numerical calculating to come up with the date May 21, 2011.

Apparently, Camping used this “logic” to come up with the date:

1. The number five equals "atonement", the number ten equals "completeness", and the number seventeen equals "heaven".

2. Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.

3. If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar, as distinct from lunar, year), the result is 722,449.

4. The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.

5. 51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.

6. (5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

Holy jumping shitballs.

Can I make MY prediction now? OK, here goes:

1. God created Adam and Eve, that’s two people.
2. There are 39 books in the Old Testament. 39 X 2 is 78.
3. There were 10 commandments. 78 X 10= 780.
4. 780 years ago was the year 1231.
5. I have wiped my ass a total of 1,231 times from 1972 to yesterday.
6. Keep the 1,231 number in mind.
7. There were 12 disciples.
8. 12 times 2 equals 24.
9. There were 3 wise men. 24 + 3= 27.
10. There were 12 tribes of Israel.
11. 27 + 12= 39.
12. There are 39 years between 1972 [the year I first wiped my ass] and 2011.
13. Therefore, Jesus is coming back on [1231] December 31, 2011

One major issue I have with Camping's loonball prediction, aside from the obvious [that Christians are mentally ill and need psychiatric help], is that the very book in which he professes to be “always absolutely true” [the Bible] is apparently FALSE if Camping believes that a mere man can know the date of the end times.

Mark 13:32 states:

“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”

1 Thessalonians 5:2-4 states:

“for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you, brothers, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief.”

Apparently, Camping believes that he can predict when a thief will rob his house. Camping does not even believe in the very words he claims to be true. Why would he spend his time attempting to spread the word of a man he is not heeding the teachings of?

Now that another religious quack has been proven wrong…again, they can focus on coming up with an answer as to why we should believe in the Bible at all. These nutcases can join politicians and meteorologists in being the third profession in which one can be continually wrong and still keep their job.


the_last_name_left said...

Yeah, those troofers are real nutters.

This dude was one of the founding members of Architects, Plumbers and Janitors for 911 Truth.

He said the world would end because explosives were planted in the WTC.

He found incontrovertible evidence of explosives in his Christmas crackers.

Nutters, eh?

Real Truth Online said...

What exactly is your point? Is this info true or is it yet again another of your plethora of sarcastic remarks intended to overshadow the fact that you have absolutely ZERO refutations when you post at ANY blog.

EVERY SINGLE TIME I have had arguments with people who use sarcasm and ad hominem attacks in "debating" with me----they have a .000 batting average at refuting me.

mr priest said...

ghee larry you have something in common with this wacko. your both wrong on your predictions. lol.

Anonymous said...

this jackass is why people hate religion.

Anonymous said...

heres my prediction. when the world ends it ends.

Anonymous said...

the last cock in mouth queenie fraud name left is defeated again.

the_last_name_left said...

hey, you have some real classy readers, Larry.

some real clever folk.

Must make ya proud. Live the dream, huh? haha.

Come on Larry, pull your socks up?

Anonymous said...

yeah larry hes right. just check out his followers such as pedaphile socrates

Real Truth Online said...

"hey, you have some real classy readers, Larry."

At least I believe in free speech, unlike YOU who MODERATES comments.

Glad you admitted I have readerS [plural], compared to your ONE. And Socrates is probably YOU [sock puppet].

Anonymous said...

You're a fucking cocksucker, that's what you are, this website sucks balls. I liked it at first, but you fucking messed it up because religion is fucking cool, theres nothing wrong with it you fucking cocklick of a conspiracy theorist.

Anonymous said...

hey anon, were molested, and trying to protect a priest?

Larry said...

"You're a fucking cocksucker, that's what you are, this website sucks balls. I liked it at first, but you fucking messed it up because religion is fucking cool, theres nothing wrong with it you fucking cocklick of a conspiracy theorist."

Ahhh yes, and look what religion has done for you. Made you talk like the lovechild of Chris Rock and Lisa Lampenelli. Also, if you loved religion so much, wouldn't you be required to pray for me and love your neighbor? Hmmmmm, it appears that the founder of YOUR religion is Snoop Dogg.

dave willis,tony and laura said...

religion and church are great, specially when robbing eerrr getting your sheep eerrr congregation to contribute to you when they tithe. lol.