Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Planning on making coffee naked in your own kitchen? Not in America, pal!

Virginia man is arrested for being naked in his own house

by Larry Simons
October 21, 2009

29-year-old Springfield, Virginia resident, Eric Williamson, decided to wake up Monday morning, walk downstairs and, like many Americans, have a few cups of morning joe. But, probably unlike many Americans, Williamson strolled into his kitchen feeling an unfamiliar breeze on his ass and nutsack.

He was naked.

No big deal, right? After all, it was 5:30 in the morning, he was alone, the house was mostly dark and it was still dark outside. Not a big deal to let Mr. Happy dangle in the open air and freeball, one would assume.

One would assume wrong.

Apparently, Williamson just happened to be enjoying 'naked coffee time' at the very same time one of his neighbors was taking her daily 5:30 a.m. stroll with her 7-year-old son. Needless to say, the neighbor walked by the house, saw Williamson through his window and learned the ‘bare’ facts; that in 2009, people have the audacity to walk around naked in their own houses.

Naturally, like any concerned citizen would do, she immediately called the police. God knows if she hadn’t, this could have caused an irreversible chain reaction where hundreds…thousands…hell, even millions of Americans would have followed suit and simultaneously disrobed while enjoying their coffee [or bacon and eggs for that matter], causing the planets to realign, forcing the new disciples of nudedom to take over the world.

Obviously, the female neighbor would not let that happen, so she called the Fairfax County Police to the scene immediately. Who cares if they are too busy responding to drug dealers, murderers or bank robbers? This is a naked man in his own house we’re talking about here! Priorities, people…priorities!

Yes, I wasn't wearing any clothes but I was alone, in my own home and just got out of bed. It was dark and I had no idea anyone was outside looking in at me” , Williamson said. Good point. Isn’t anyone wondering why a woman is milling around at 5:30 a.m. with her 7-year-old son looking in people’s windows?

Doesn't an incident like this fall within the same rule of thumb that if you don't like what is on a certain channel, you simply just click to another one? If you don't like looking at a nude man inside of his own house, look at another house that has it's lights off inside! Look at a fucking tree. Look at the sidewalk. Look at the stars. Look at a street sign. Look at anything except the naked man's scrotum if it offends you so much! Or just walk away! If I was the cop that arrived on the scene, my first question to the woman would have been, "Why didn't you just keep walking or simply just not look?"

Fairfax County Police officers arrested Williamson for indecent exposure because they believe that he actually wanted the public to see him in the nude. Wouldn’t Williamson have increased the chances of him being seen if he had been outside of his house, or if the sun had come up and there was a larger number of people around? Since it was dark, how did he even know there was anyone walking around outside?

If Williamson is convicted on the misdemeanor charge, he will face up to one year in jail and a $2,000 fine. Trial lawyer Dickson Young says that the Virginia statute requires an intentional display of ones private parts in order for someone to be convicted of indecent exposure. This would exclude an individual accidentally, occasionally or inadvertently displaying ones private area.

Young also said that in order for Williamson to be convicted of a crime, the police and the state would have to prove that Williamson knew the neighbors were outside the house when Williamson was inside naked.

It sure is good to know that there are police officers still willing to ‘crack’ cases like this. One thing baffles me. Why didn’t the neighbor just turn the other cheek?

watch the clip

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