Wednesday, April 1, 2009

This week in Dave the Fraud

Dave takes questions from his congregation (LOL). Why didn’t he invite me?

by Larry Simons
April 1, 2009

On Dave H. Willis’ newest post, here, he talks about his “sermon series” ‘You Asked For It!’ in which he allowed his congregation to ask him questions. I had two immediate reactions to this. First, why would anyone on Earth go to Dave “the fraud” Willis for an answer about anything (despite it being in reference to a book of fairy tales)? And second, the guy who has eliminated free speech on his own blog is taking open questions? Wow. Shocker.

Dave said this, “Last Sunday was most interesting. I was preaching a multifaceted sermon where I attempted to answer numerous questions from the congregation. I had a broad range of topics to cover: What we'll look like in eternity, Cave men vs. Adam & Eve, Alledgedly contradictory accounts of Judas' death, Dinosaurs and Noah's ark, Modesty, etc. I was wrapping up my sermon series "You Asked For It!" and I had several questions remaining that I wanted to handle albeit with brevity. Anyway, I got into Romans 14 and asked the folks to name some "disputable manners" which became very interesting to say the least! Topics that arose were: earrings for men, how to dress for church ,tatoos, smoking and drinking alcohol! Needless to say people were paying attention. One person said "baptism" and I had to point out the baptism was not a disputable matter in Scripture. I tried to be as biblical and honest as possible.”

OK, I’m done laughing. Let me point out that the above quote was copied and pasted into my story, so the spelling errors like the words “Alledgedly” and “tatoos” were Dave’s errors, not mine. I love the first topic Dave mentions in his “open question” session. They asked Dave “all about the truth” Willis “what we will look like in eternity?” I wonder how Dave knows this. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is Dave Willis not a mere mortal human being just like the rest of us? I wonder how Dave Willis knows what we will look like in the afterlife. I wonder how he even knows there is an afterlife. Dave Willis must be divine. He must have mental powers that far exceed that of the rest of us mere mortals.

If Dave knew the answer to that, I wonder why his congregation stopped with just wondering that? Why didn’t they ask who killed JFK? Why didn't they ask Dave what the exact age of the Earth is? Why didn't they ask about the mysteries of the Carnac Stones or the codes of the Voynich Manuscript?

Why didn't Dave invite me? I would have had some doozies for him. Like, why ancient Egyptians wrote about people like Horus, who, like other gods such as Mithra and Krishna had the exact same characteristics as Jesus (walking on water, virgin birth, etc.) when they were written about 600-1200 years before Jesus’ birth? Also, why, if God gives us free will (which the Bible says he does), if we as human beings do NOT choose to follow God, do we get punished for all eternity (which would invalidate the meaning of the concept of free will)? Lastly, why the Bible says God is “selfish” and why he gets “jealous” if God condemns us mere mortals for possessing the very same human emotions?

Then Dave says, “Anyway, I got into Romans 14 and asked the folks to name some "disputable manners" which became very interesting to say the least!” You mean “disputable manners” other than the entire Bible? Then he said, “I tried to be as biblical and honest as possible”. Well, Dave, if you were 100% honest, you would tell your congregation that you have no idea that the Bible is true to begin with! But, naturally, you won’t do that, will you? Your ego won’t let you. Your job gives you a nice paycheck and no doubt a nice parsonage to live in. They probably pay all your bills too. Of course, your job gives you what you desire most of all, an audience to be heard and more attention that you can possibly ask for.

Oh, I forgot. If you were 100% honest with your herd, you’d also tell them that you’re a big fraud and that a 9/11 truther schooled you with facts so bad, that you had to censor your own blog.

This has been This Week in Dave the Fraud. Dun dunt.


billo said...

i now see why this ahole won fraud of the year.

Anonymous said...

this jackass makes jas err jizz look smart, plus you pointed out his miss

daves kid said...

you got my dad on that one larry. one day ill come out to him and mom.

henry said...

hey larry, dave once told me he did tonys wife laura. that makes him an adulter.... fraud correct.