Wednesday, March 19, 2008

BILLO covers the Spitzer scandal. Isn’t this like O.J. Simpson covering Jack the Ripper?

Olbermann translates the REAL, hidden message of Billo on the Spitzer scandal play-by-play

by Keith Olbermann
March 18, 2008

(Editor’s note: I usually do my own stories on Billo, but this was just too good not to post. Billo’s words below in purple)

After years of having talked out of his seat, Bill O‘Reilly of Fixed News has finally found a subject to pontificate about in which his personal knowledge actually reaches to the level of expertise, a topic in which he is not just hypocritical scold, but battle scarred veteran.

Bill-O analyzes Eliot Spitzer. The New York governor‘s resignation only becoming official today after a money and prostitution scandal laid him low. Spitzer, as you doubtless know, has been accused of financial shenanigans, possibly employing state funds to pay for the services of Kristin, the singing prostitute with the heart of gold, or at 1,000 dollars an hour, the something of gold.

For reasons unknown only to Billy, he decided to deconstruct the Spitzer saga in the latest edition of his not-so widely read newspaper column. Again, when it comes to having your pockets drained and your name turned into a punch line by your pursuit of a woman, Bill O‘Reilly knows his topic.

Why he would write this column and remind everybody of all of this all over again? Well, maybe in trying to explain Spitzer, perhaps Bill-O has wound up explaining Bill-O. October 13, 2004, also known around this business as cable Christmas, his former producer Andrea Mackris filed suit in New York against O‘Reilly and Fox for 60 million dollars, claiming he had repeatedly harassed her by telling her lurid stories of his own sexual history, describing his fantasies, trying to coral her into sexual liaisons by phone, in person, with others, with loofahs and with a falafel.

Watch the video:

The case was settled just over two weeks later with Bill-O shelling out a reported 10 million dollars. So Billy decided to write about Spitzer? Leave us to quote from the writings of the bard of Babe-ology, the Frank Burns of news, the falafel king himself, and then translate them for you back into what he really meant.

“Let‘s analyze this Eliot Spitzer situation without emotion because there are lessons to be learned here.”

Expensive lessons, embarrassing lessons, lessons which, even if they did cost you 10 million dollars, you might forget and bring up the topic again anyway.

“If you watch cable TV news, you will hear the braying pack talk about Spitzer‘s arrogance, his I am above it all mentality, but if you examine the facts, this shallow analysis doesn‘t wash.”

Hey, pal, if you are going to call Greta Van Susteren, Sean Hannity and John Gibson the braying pack of cable TV news, I‘m going to have to ask you to step outside.

“Governor Spitzer had to know that repeated visits with people breaking the law, prostitutes, put him at enormous risk. At any time, any one of these ladies might have been arrested and facing prosecution could have easily offered authorities Spitzer‘s name in return for having all charges dropped.”

Translation: If you are going to associate yourself with prostitutes, strippers, porn stars, body language experts, or other ladies who might be arrested, make sure you do it like Bill-O does.

'Defendant Bill O‘Reilly, read item 42 in the Andrea Mackris lawsuit, “without solicitation or invite, regaled plaintiff and her friends with stories of a girl at a sex show in Thailand who had shown him things in a back room that blew his mind.'

Yes, if you are going to visit with sex workers, make sure you do it like Bill-O does, in a foreign country that has weak extradition laws.

“The ladies also could have blackmailed Spitzer, could have sold their stories about him to the tabloid media, could have done many things to destroy his life.”

Translation: Here Bill is saying, trust me, I know. For a change, he sure does know.

“Then there‘s the money. Spitzer knew that wire transfers to off shore facilities are closely monitored as part of terrorist surveillance.”

Translation: Bill-O is, in a round about way, tipping his hat to the former governor. Mr. Spitzer paid a reported 80,000 dollars for a variety of activities. Mr. O‘Reilly wound up paying a reported 10 mill to Andrea Mackris and he didn‘t even get a kiss.

“Spitzer also knew that talking on the telephone to pimps, people setting up liaisons with prostitutes, left him open to being tapped.”

Talking on the telephone, did you say? Item 36 in the Mackris suit, 'Defendant Bill O‘Reilly proceeded to inform plaintiff Andrea Mackris that he advised another woman to purchase a vibrator and had taught that woman how to masturbate while telling her sexual stories over the telephone.'

“So you‘re telling me that Eliot Spitzer thought he wouldn‘t get caught? Sure, and I‘m Paris Hilton. No, what‘s in play is what I call the Belushi Syndrome. That‘s when a famous person who has money and success subconsciously tries to destroy himself. You see it all the time, movie stars, athletes, politicians doing incredibly stupid stuff.”

The Belushi Syndrome, you say?

“This is not some dime store psychoanalysis.”

Not unless by dime you mean 10 million.

“There are many people walking around who are deeply self-destructive and who will hurt themselves and others around them. That‘s a fact. A self-destructive, self-loathing personality will find a way to blow everything up. It doesn‘t matter what kind of career the person has.”

Either kind of career, broadcast or cable television.

“We all know people like this. Stay away from them.”

As we digest your analysis of what makes Bill-O—I‘m sorry—what makes Spitzer tick, we would be happy to stay away from people like this, Bill, if only you'd stay away from us.